you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
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someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
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We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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