Duck Duck Cougar?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize