I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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