No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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