so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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