let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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