Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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