On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I just forgot I was standing up.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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