Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
