There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
