I'm jealous of your bromance
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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