So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
