Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
