you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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