I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
