does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
