Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
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so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
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The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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