Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
