i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
