I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
