I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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