I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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