I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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