Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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