She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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