Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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