I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
