I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
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thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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