guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
