She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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