i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
