went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
