apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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