I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
well you can't waste a boner
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
