he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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