fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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