OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
