I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I AM VODKA MAN
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
