she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
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You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
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Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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