You're a womanizer and a bitch.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
