I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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