How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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