I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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