3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
