If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
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