3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
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Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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