be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You left your underwear on the fireplace
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
