hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
