I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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