Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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