Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just invented taco cereal.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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