google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
