You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
