cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
