No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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