All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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