Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
