I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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