mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
