remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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