So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
