people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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