Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
