why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
