he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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