He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
