At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
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