You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
