Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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