Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
